Watch Two and a Half Men Online

Watch Two and a Half Men
IMDB Rating: 7.2/10 from 161,187 votes
Release: 2003 /

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Comedy
Director:
Stars: Jon Cryer, Ashton Kutcher, Angus T. Jones
Synopsis: The Harper brothers Charlie and Alan are almost opposites but form a great team. They have little in common except their dislike for their mundane, maternally cold and domineering mother, Evelyn. Alan, a compulsively neat chiropractor and control-freak, is thrown out by his manipulative wife Judith who nevertheless gets him to pay for everything and do most jobs in the house. Charlie is a freelance jingle composer and irresistible Cassanova who lives in a luxurious beach-house and rarely gets up before noon. Charlie "temporarily" allows Alan and his son Jake, a food-obsessed, lazy school kid who shuttles between his parents, to move in with them after Alan's separation/divorce. The sitcom revolves around their conflicting lifestyles, raising Jake (who has the efficient, caring dad while having a ball with his fun-loving sugar uncle who teaches him boyish things), and bantering with Evelyn and various other friends and family. Other fairly regular characters include Charlie's cleaning ...

Season 1

Episode 1   -   Pilot
Episode 2   -   Big Flappy Bastards
Episode 3   -   Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Episode 4   -   If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Episode 5   -   The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
Episode 6   -   Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys
Episode 7   -   If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Episode 8   -   Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
Episode 9   -   Phase One, Complete
Episode 10   -   Merry Thanksgiving
Episode 11   -   Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
Episode 12   -   Camel Filters and Pheromones
Episode 13   -   Sarah Like Puny Alan
Episode 14   -   I Can't Afford Hyenas
Episode 15   -   Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Episode 16   -   That Was Saliva, Alan
Episode 17   -   Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Episode 18   -   An Old Flame with a New Wick
Episode 19   -   I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Episode 20   -   Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Episode 21   -   No Sniffing, No Wowing
Episode 22   -   My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Episode 23   -   Just Like Buffalo
Episode 24   -   Can You Feel My Finger

Season 2

Episode 1   -   Back Off Mary Poppins
Episode 2   -   Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
Episode 3   -   A Bag Full of Jawea
Episode 4   -   Go Get Mommy's Bra
Episode 5   -   Bad News from the Clinic
Episode 6   -   The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
Episode 7   -   A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
Episode 8   -   Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Episode 9   -   Yes, Monsignor
Episode 10   -   The Salmon Under My Sweater
Episode 11   -   Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Episode 12   -   A Lung Full of Alan
Episode 13   -   Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosow
Episode 14   -   Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
Episode 15   -   Smell the Umbrella Stand
Episode 16   -   Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth
Episode 17   -   Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam
Episode 18   -   It Was Mame, Mom
Episode 19   -   A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
Episode 20   -   I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
Episode 21   -   A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
Episode 22   -   That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
Episode 23   -   Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
Episode 24   -   Does This Smell Funny to You

Season 3

Episode 1   -   Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
Episode 2   -   Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
Episode 3   -   Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Episode 4   -   Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
Episode 5   -   We Called It Mr. Pinky
Episode 6   -   Hi, Mr. Horned One
Episode 7   -   Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Episode 8   -   That Voodoo That I Do Do
Episode 9   -   Madame and Her Special Friend
Episode 10   -   Something Salted and Twisted
Episode 11   -   Santa's Village of the Damned
Episode 12   -   That Special Tug
Episode 13   -   Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
Episode 14   -   Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
Episode 15   -   My Tongue Is Meat
Episode 16   -   Ergo, the Booty Call
Episode 17   -   The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
Episode 18   -   The Spit-Covered Cobbler
Episode 19   -   Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
Episode 20   -   Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
Episode 21   -   And the Plot Moistens
Episode 22   -   Just Once with Aunt Sophie
Episode 23   -   Arguments for the Quickie
Episode 24   -   That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

Season 4

Episode 1   -   Working for Caligula
Episode 2   -   Who's Vod Kanockers
Episode 3   -   The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
Episode 4   -   A Pot Smoking Monkey
Episode 5   -   A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
Episode 6   -   Apologies for the Frivolity
Episode 7   -   Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
Episode 8   -   Release the Dogs
Episode 9   -   Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
Episode 10   -   Kissing Abraham Lincoln
Episode 11   -   Walnuts and Demerol
Episode 12   -   Castrating Sheep in Montana
Episode 13   -   Don't Worry, Speed Racer
Episode 14   -   That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
Episode 15   -   My Damn Stalker
Episode 16   -   Young People Have Phlegm Too
Episode 17   -   I Merely Slept with a Commie
Episode 18   -   It Never Rains in Hooterville
Episode 19   -   Smooth as a Ken Doll
Episode 20   -   Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
Episode 21   -   Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
Episode 22   -   Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
Episode 23   -   Anteaters They're Just Crazy-lookin
Episode 24   -   Prostitutes and Gelato

Season 5

Episode 1   -   Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
Episode 2   -   Media Room Slash Dungeon
Episode 3   -   Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
Episode 4   -   City of Great Racks
Episode 5   -   Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
Episode 6   -   Help Daddy Find His Toenail
Episode 7   -   Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
Episode 8   -   Is There a Mrs Waffles
Episode 9   -   Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
Episode 10   -   Kinda Like Necrophilia
Episode 11   -   Meander to Your Dander
Episode 12   -   A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
Episode 13   -   The Soil is Moist
Episode 14   -   Winky-Dink Time
Episode 15   -   Rough Night in Hump Junction
Episode 16   -   Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
Episode 17   -   Fish in a Drawer
Episode 18   -   If My Hole Could Talk
Episode 19   -   Waiting for the Right Snapper

Season 6

Episode 1   -   Taterhead Is Our Love Child
Episode 2   -   Pie Hole, Herb
Episode 3   -   Damn You, Eggs Benedict
Episode 4   -   The Flavin' and the Mavin'
Episode 5   -   A Jock Strap in Hell
Episode 6   -   It's Always Nazi Week
Episode 7   -   Best H.O. Money Can Buy
Episode 8   -   Pinocchio's Mouth
Episode 9   -   The Mooch at the Boo
Episode 10   -   He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
Episode 11   -   The Devil's Lube
Episode 12   -   Thank God for Scoliosis
Episode 13   -   I Think You Offended Don
Episode 14   -   David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
Episode 15   -   I'd Like to Start with the Cat
Episode 16   -   She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
Episode 17   -   The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'
Episode 18   -   My Son's Enormous Head
Episode 19   -   The Two Finger Rule
Episode 20   -   Hello, I am Alan Cousteau
Episode 21   -   Above Exalted Cyclops
Episode 22   -   Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
Episode 23   -   Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
Episode 24   -   Baseball Was Better with Steroids

Season 7

Episode 1   -   818-jklpuzo
Episode 2   -   Whipped Unto the Third Generation
Episode 3   -   Mmm Fish Yum
Episode 4   -   Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
Episode 5   -   For the Sake of the Child
Episode 6   -   Give Me Your Thumb
Episode 7   -   Untainted by Filth
Episode 8   -   Gorp Fnark Schmegle
Episode 9   -   Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
Episode 10   -   That's Why They Call It 'Ball Room'
Episode 11   -   Warning, It's Dirty
Episode 12   -   Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
Episode 13   -   Yay, No Polyps
Episode 14   -   Crude and Uncalled For
Episode 15   -   Aye, Aye, Captain Douche
Episode 16   -   Tinkle Like a Princess
Episode 17   -   I Found Your Moustache
Episode 18   -   Ixnay on the Oggie Day
Episode 19   -   Keith Moon Is Vomiting in his Grave
Episode 20   -   I Called Him Magoo
Episode 21   -   Gumby with a Pokey
Episode 22   -   This Is Not Gonna End Well

Season 8

Episode 1   -   Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
Episode 2   -   A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
Episode 3   -   A Pudding-Filled Cactus
Episode 4   -   Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
Episode 5   -   The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
Episode 6   -   Twanging Your Magic Clanger
Episode 7   -   The Crazy Bitch Gazette
Episode 8   -   Springtime on a Stick
Episode 9   -   A Good Time in Central Africa
Episode 10   -   Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
Episode 11   -   Dead from the Waist Down
Episode 12   -   Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
Episode 13   -   Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
Episode 14   -   Lookin' for Japanese Subs
Episode 15   -   Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
Episode 16   -   That Darn Priest

Season 9

Episode 1   -   Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
Episode 2   -   People Who Love Peepholes
Episode 3   -   Big Girls Don't Throw Food
Episode 4   -   Nine Magic Fingers
Episode 5   -   A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
Episode 6   -   The Squat and the Hover
Episode 7   -   Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
Episode 8   -   Thank You for the Intercourse
Episode 9   -   Frodo's Headshots
Episode 10   -   A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
Episode 11   -   What a Lovely Landing Strip
Episode 12   -   One False Move, Zimbabwe
Episode 13   -   Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
Episode 14   -   A Possum on Chemo
Episode 15   -   The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
Episode 16   -   Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
Episode 17   -   Not in My Mouth
Episode 18   -   The War Against Gingivitis
Episode 19   -   Palmdale, Ech
Episode 20   -   Grandma's Pie
Episode 21   -   Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
Episode 22   -   Why We Gave Up Women
Episode 23   -   The Straw in My Donut Hole
Episode 24   -   Oh Look Al-Qaeda

Season 10

Episode 1   -   I Changed My Mind About the Milk
Episode 2   -   A Big Bag of Dog
Episode 3   -   Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
Episode 4   -   You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For
Episode 5   -   That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
Episode 6   -   Ferrets Attack
Episode 7   -   Avoid the Chinese Mustard
Episode 8   -   Something My Gynecologist Said
Episode 9   -   I Scream When I Pee
Episode 10   -   One Nut Johnson
Episode 11   -   Give Santa a Tail-Hole
Episode 12   -   Welcome to Alancrest
Episode 13   -   Grab a Feather and Get in Line
Episode 14   -   Run Steven Staven Run
Episode 15   -   Paint It Pierce It or Plug It
Episode 16   -   Advantage Fat Flying Baby
Episode 17   -   Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
Episode 18   -   The 9 04 from Pemberton
Episode 19   -   Big Episode Someone Stole a Spoon
Episode 20   -   Bazinga That's From a TV Show
Episode 21   -   Another Night with Neil Diamond
Episode 22   -   My Bodacious Vidalia
Episode 23   -   Cows Prepare to Be Tipped

Season 11

Episode 1   -   Nangnangnangnang
Episode 2   -   I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
Episode 3   -   This Unblessed Biscuit
Episode 4   -   Clank Clank Drunken Skank
Episode 5   -   Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
Episode 6   -   Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
Episode 7   -   Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
Episode 8   -   Mr Walden He Die I Clean Room
Episode 9   -   Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
Episode 10   -   On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer
Episode 11   -   Tazed in the Lady Nuts
Episode 12   -   Baseball Boobs Boobs Baseball
Episode 13   -   Bite Me, Supreme Court
Episode 14   -   Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe
Episode 15   -   Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
Episode 16   -   How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
Episode 17   -   Welcome Home, Jake
Episode 18   -   West Side Story
Episode 19   -   Lan mao shi zai wuding shang
Episode 20   -   Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
Episode 21   -   Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
Episode 22   -   Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead

Season 12

Episode 1   -   The Ol' Mexican Spinach
Episode 2   -   A Chic Bar in Ibiza
Episode 3   -   Glamping in a Yurt
Episode 4   -   Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
Episode 5   -   Oontz Oontz Oontz
Episode 6   -   Alan Shot a Little Girl
Episode 7   -   Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
Episode 8   -   Family, Buble, Deep-Fried Turkey
Episode 9   -   Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
Episode 10   -   Here I Come, Pants!
Episode 11   -   For Whom the Booty Calls
Episode 13   -   Boompa Loved His Hookers
Episode 14   -   Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
Episode 15   -   Of Course He's Dead

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